Have you ever stopped and considered how much shame is in your life? I’m not talking about guilt, which is feeling bad when you do something wrong. I’m talking about shame. Shame means that you feel wrong. The things you do, say, and feel are just wrong. Do you ever have a voice pop up every once in a while and say things like, “You really shouldn’t feel this way,” “You really should have it all together,” “I can’t believe how selfish you’re being,” “You are just pathetic.” Maybe the voice criticizes you. Maybe it is downright mean. Or maybe...
Dying To Live
Sunday was the final round of the Masters golf tournament, and it was an especially good day because I got to see it again with my father. Watching that particular tournament on television was something I always used to love as a kid. Not only did it make for some good quality time with my dad, but it also heralded the beginning of a new year for golf. It’s always the first major tournament each year, and it is held in early spring when the azaleas are in full bloom. The Augusta National Golf Club is where the Masters calls...
Parenthood 101 – Affirmation
‘Affirm’ as defined by Merriam Webster: – to say that something is true in a confident way : to show a strong belief in or dedication to (something, such as an important idea) Let’s flesh that out as it relates to parenting our kids. What can we affirm? Certainly, we can affirm their positive behaviors or achievements. Typically, this is the first to come to mind. In his book ‘Loving Obedience‘, Dr. Bill Richardson proposes several other areas to affirm, including a child’s contributions, improvements, efforts, and assets. We’ll look at each in turn: Affirm Achievements – It seems that our social...
Parenthood 101 – Have Some Fun
I remember hearing about the joys of parenthood many times over…and then I had 4 kids in 7 years. What joy is there in sleepless nights, constant mess, dirty diapers, monotonous routines, and sheer exhaustion? On top of that, I was told to try and have fun with my kids. Really? Comedian Jim Gaffigan put my experience into words when he was asked about having his fourth kid by replying, ‘Imagine drowning, and then someone hands you a baby.’ It definitely hasn’t been the sheer delight and bliss that I naively imagined going into it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GEbZrY0G9PI I’d like to reemphasize my...
Parenthood 101 – Introduction
As a parent of four, it’s very easy for me to spend a vast amount of my time cleaning up, watching out for, correcting, disciplining, planning, talking with, doing homework, entertaining, or resting from my kids. Over time, and sadly over a lot of wasted time, I’ve begun to realize how certain aspects of parenting are becoming more and more valuable to me. I’ve also realized how easily overwhelmed I can become by the vast amount of information that I simply don’t know, or know how to apply. My hope in this series of posts is to help simplify some fundamental parenting...
The Red Seat – Be Connected
On a recent trip to Boston, I visited Fenway Park for the first time. Being at Fenway is like being in an old church. They have been playing baseball there since its gates were opened on April 20, 1912. It is the oldest park in the major leagues. I saw the Green Monster (pronounced “Monsta” if you’re from Boston), the hand operated scoreboard signed in Morse Code by former team owners, the antique seats, the press box and something I never knew about until I visited this famed ballpark –the Red Seat. Seat 21 in Row 37 of Section...
How Can I Make My Marriage Last? Part Five
When I was a high school student there was a large group of us that played a strange card game called “Mau.” This game was unlike any other card game I had played before, because the only way to learn it was to fail at it miserably. Let me explain. One of the first rules of this game was that you could not ask a question about how to play. If you asked a question, you were penalized with extra cards. You were not told this rule at the beginning, because no rules were discussed before play began. Basically, the...
You Can't Fight on all Fronts
If you ever saw the classic 1987 movie ‘The Princess Bride’, you probably remember Vizzini as the short Sicilian man whose plots to kidnap the princess were disrupted by the ‘inconceivable’. In his last scene, as he engages the Man in Black in a battle of wits, he tells Wesley that he fell victim to a classic blunder, “The most famous of which is ‘never get involved in a land war in Asia.'” Although you should ‘Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line’, Vizzini was being honest about land wars in Asia, with the lesson being that...
How Can I Make My Marriage Last? Part Four
Are you sitting down? Because I have something crazy to tell you. Your spouse probably speaks a different language than you do. No, I’m not talking about that Spanish class you took freshman year, and I’m certainly not talking about English. (Although some of you might swear your spouse doesn’t understand English sometimes…) I’m talking about their LOVE language. Love language? What on Earth do you mean by that? In the world of emotional attachment, love languages refer to the different means of giving and receiving affection; the various ways by which we let our partners know that they matter...
How Can I Make My Marriage Last? Part Three
Alright ladies and gents, it’s time for the third installment in our current series “How Can I Make My Marriage Last?” We previously discussed John Gottman’s 5:1 ratio in PART ONE, and then addressed some marriage killers affectionately known as the Four Horsemen in PART TWO. Obviously we couldn’t leave you hanging without the antidotes to the Four Horsemen, so that will be today’s objective. If you read part two and realized that you’re a horse-rider, never fear! The following are John Gottman’s four antidotes to get you off that horse (or horses… yes, it’s possible to ride more than one....